Sunday, December 8, 2013

Dear Dairy tomorrow I get my hair cut

Dear Diary,

Tomorrow I get my hair cut. And I'm nervous about it.  I even canceled once and I'm not gonna lie, I was relieved.  Until my son pointed out how 'shiny' my roots were.  (but I rock that shiny shiz!) (no? I probably don't)

Diary, you know how I feel about my hair. I am emotionally attached to my hair (which is physically attached to my head).  Do you remember when it all fell out?  That was so scary. Do you remember when my beloved helped me cut it short? And when I sat in the front yard and rubbed the remaining bits off my head and into the grass? There was so much. It was everywhere and the wind was catching it and carrying it off.  My dearest told me not to worry, the birds will use it to warm up their nests.  It was very cold out.  It was just before Christmas.

All through that winter I wrapped my head.  In scarves, hats, and little knitted beanies gifted from people near and dear to me.  It wasn't so bad at first but as time went on I felt awkward.  Remember the fake bangs I bought? Those were cool!  And then the wig?  Wasn't that a laugh? It was hot and uncomfy to wear and often ended up in the strangest places, like the top of the hubs head! I proudly rocked my bare head but secretly I was sad.  You know, Diary, that no one gives a thought to a bald man but when you see a bald woman, well, you know something is terribly wrong.  And it didn't help that the steroids puffed me up so much that I didn't recognize myself in the mirror!

I think one of the most challenging part of this was when my eyelashes and eyebrows fell out.  Elf to the rescue with eyebrow pencils and those little stencils to help you draw a 'perfect' eyebrow!  Yes, I could draw in a perfect eyebrow but sometimes that eyebrow was a little low, giving me a menacing scowl.  Or maybe a little high, with a look that says inquisitive? Surprised?  I could set the tone of my day by the placement of my brows!

A lot of women draw in their brows so that was ok but the lashes! Mercy mercy me! Diary wasn't the eyelashes my crazy place?  Since I'm not much of a makeup girl I ran out and bought some mascara.  Do you know how many different types of mascara there are??? Hundreds! I hurried home with 5 tubes of the stuff and they all worked fine until I could count my lashes.  Not even the best mascara can turn 2 lashes into 10.  After crying to my bestie she hand delivered several packages of falsies and a tube of glue.  Remember how excited I was?  I WOULD HAVE LASHES AGAIN!!! Oh and we had so many styles and spent the whole day sizing and trimming and trying them on until my eyes were positively raw!  She made all look so easy!  It's not easy Diary, no, not at all.  And so every day I would spend hours (ok, maybe not hours, but, yes, maybe it was hours) trying to get the lashes in the right place.  Too high and there's a wicked flesh line making you look like you have 2 freakish strips of eyelashes. If the lashes are to close to the nose you can feel the edges poke each time you blink.  That gets annoying in a hurry.  USE GLUE SPARINGLY! else you may find your eyelids gluing together in unusual ways.  There were days when I thought they were on perfectly only to find the lashes had 'traveled' or popped up at one end or the other. In order to avoid repeating this lengthy process each morning I tried to sleep in them.  Diary, let me tell you, this is not recommended! At the very least the lashes will crease in an unnatural way.  However it was amusing to find lashes attached to my beloved. 'Look honey! you really do have eyes in the back of your head!' I called it quits when I caught the furbaby eating my lashes!  Time for a new tactic.

Eyeliner! Yes, eyeliner will be my salvation! I'll just draw in a lash line!  So I only have 7 eyelashes, no problem, I still have a dark line outlining my eyes! Right? WRONG! You makeupnista's know how tricky eyeliner can be and I've watched hundreds of Youtube's on this.  What a chemo patient understands is that sweating out chemicals is part of the deal.  This healing process will ensure that your eyeliner will end up under your eyebrow and a host of other unwanted places.


 But I digress.  This is really about the hair on my head right?

So Diary dearest, I shall conclude for today.  I'll write more later.



Thursday, December 5, 2013

The long and the short of it

I have been growing out my hair for about 6 years now.
She asks me why, I'm just a hairy guy
I'm hairy noon and night, hair that's a fright
I'm hairy high and low, don't ask me why, I don't know
And now it is time
It's not for lack of bread, like the Greatful Dead, darlin'
Give me a head with hair, long beautiful hair
For a hair cut!
Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen
Give me down to there, hair, shoulder length or longer
(I know, messy girl, this is at the end of our Thanksgiving evening)
Here baby, there, momma, everywhere, daddy, daddy
And I'm nervous about it.
Hair, flow it, show it
It's not that I haven’t' worn my hair short
Long as God can grow it, my hair
Most of my adult life my hair has been short. Like really really short.
Let it fly in the breeze and get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas
A home for fleas, a hive for the buzzing bees
And I've so enjoyed having my hair super long
A nest for birds, there ain't no words
For the beauty, splendor, the wonder of my hair
But now, now it is time to take it up a notch
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow, my hair

I think
I want long, straight, curly, fuzzy, snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
Oily, greasy, fleecy, shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen
Because I'm starting to feel a little like Rapunzel right about now.
Knotted, polka dotted, twisted, beaded, braided
Powered, flowered and confettied
Bangled, tangled, spangled and spahettied
And if you find a hair in your soup, don't pull to hard.
Oh say, can you see my eyes if you can
Then my hair's too short
It's most likely still attached to my head. 
Long as God can grow it my HAIR!!!

I believe Hair was written by Galt MacDermot for the musical of the same name.